Internal Conflicts.

When things go against like what I wanted, usually I'll act all crazy.

I don't really make it obvious, in fact I won't make it obvious with the people in my surrounding. 

It's just me who shows my rebellious against my own self.

When I am overwhelmed by emotions, my spontaneous come first, my craziness control me.

I wouldn't wannit to go that way because obviously, in a second after that, I'll be regretting all the things I've done.

I really wanna have a deep conversation with my mom, but yet, I never see it will work out. Knowing my weakness that I can't control emotions, it's better to keep it silence, maybe for forever. I want the best for her, but yet I don't find the best way to say it out. 

Mebbe I should've give it a try,  but just maybe, it's not enough. I see how rebellious controlled me and how it was it way to ruin my future. And Yes, I've grown up, I can't act like a baby anymore, I cant think rationally and I really can well-define between bad and good things. It's just sometimes, my past haunts me real bad. I convince my self, always, to be very positive, to never look back at the past. All I can see after that, is just fake me, living in a fake life.

I used to say, happiness is how do you define it, because all the paths you've been through are fated, and it's mysterious why do HIM wrote that. Thus, I started living and never think the things I should've regretted anymore. However, do you really can to move on? If the people of your surrounding never wanna let it go? Again, for the zillion times, I tell my self, "Sabar Aida, there's a rainbow after a hurricane". Of course, it changes not even a thing, but at least, I know good things are heading my journey, and I, will be waiting for the time.

Beri aku kebahagian dunia dan akhirat yang engkau redhai, ya Allah. Amiin.